Heartache

If there is one thing that I have learned about myself these past two months...it is that when I love...I love deeply. The Lord seems to have created me with a heart that doesn't easily let go of things. You see, this fall, my heart was broken. It was broken by someone I held very dear and for the first time, I truly experienced heartache. It is something that I am still contending with. Figuring out that it's ok to cry myself to sleep at night. That it's ok to miss the happy moments and to look back on all the memories I had made with this person. That heartache was never intended to be in this world. It makes me yearn for the perfect world that the Lord originally had wanted for us. How do I deal with this? Well, I take it step by step. Every day is a new day...a new day to grieve my first love and best friend. My prayer is that I will one day be loved for me. And to be enough for that someone the Lord has for me. That is if God intends for me to be married or not. But even with all the pain and sorrow I have gone through, I have learned this...It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

The Oregon Coast

I have been in Oregon for about 3 months now and it's gone by so fast!!! We have all our children (otherwise known as students) here and life is now crazy! :) There has recently been a sick epidemic going around, don't worry, it's not the swine flu...and so that has been keeping our deans busy. The second year program is up and running in it's first year. It's been an exciting process and I am looking forward to seeing how the Lord is going to continue blessing it. This is a new experience for us permanent staff and there are lots of little details that you wouldn't have otherwise thought of. For instance....how do you be in two places at once? How do you pass out tests for first year students at 9:30 Monday mornings and pass out tests for second year students at 9:30 on Monday mornings? haha All these things are being taken care of though and figured out. Life is good here on the Oregon coast and overall God has blessed me with this opportunity to serve on staff at Ecola. I love my boss, Dave, and enjoy serving him in anyway that I can. He is the sweetest man and has a wonderful heart for ministry. I have also enjoyed getting to know the assistant director, Dave's son Josh, and becoming apart of his family's life. Josh has a beautiful wife Joy and two adorable children! Although I haven't had the privilege of babysitting them yet, I am looking forward to that night. :)

My current obstacle in life is that I have no car. Now of course this isn't truly an obstacle, considering nothing is impossible with God, but I must admit it does have me frustrated.

I am hoping that it'll all work out in the Lord's timing though.

Well, that's all for now. I hope all is going well in blogging world!! :)

Not much to say...

Is it possible to get to the point where you have no emotion?

Something happens and I should have emotion about it....why is it then that I just feel nothing.

There are flashes of emotions... of anger, betrayal and hurt that come and go...but mostly, there's not much going on. I am confused and don't understand why things have to be like this...but I am not angry at my Heavenly Father. If anyone would listen and understand, it would be Him and I am confident in that. I don't have much to say. I want to tell those close to me how much I love them, but I don't want to speak. I don't want to communicate about my life.

This can't be good, I know...but I feel powerless to change it.

Tears come and go, apparently just like the heart comes and goes for some...

Hear my prayer of God...give me the innocence of a baby and the trust of a child.

Wow, long time..no write!

Ok, so I have not been on here for forever and I feel so bad. Not that anyone actually reads my tiny little blog, BUT it does make me sad that I have neglected it for so long. SO I will try my best to keep it updated throughout the year and see what happens...=)

But for now, I will give the highlights of my summer....Which of course includes weddings. Oh yes...this was the summer for weddings!! :)

First of all, my dear friend Mayerly got married.

Although not a "classy" picture, this describes us four and I

LOVE IT!!!

I was able to nanny my dear kids again.

Marlea(10), Payton(7) and Denali(4)

are growing up way to fast, but I loved

spending a second summer with them!!!

And finally, my dearest friend Emily was married on August 1.

Her and Mitchel's wedding was beautiful and she made for a

stunning bride, like I knew she would! :)

That's all for now folks...I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my summer of 2009. Next posting.....what's going on in my life these days! :)

My Intern Family

I have been blessed by my intern family this year and am sad to see us all go our separate ways.

I am excited to see where the Lord is going to take them though and look forward to our 10 year reunion....well alittle more than 10 years....cause we are planing on the year 2020! :)

But in all seriousness, this has been a great year. Filled with learning experiences and something I will not soon forget. Thankyou to all who have taught me the love of Christ through your love for me and for those around you. I know God is going to do great and amazing things through you.

Spring Break Part 2

So the second part of my spring break (sorry it took so long to post) 

was spent in Idaho at my good friend Meagan's house.

It was so good and I loved meeting her family and spending some time at their house

in the mountains in the middle of NO WHERE!!! It was so relaxing and just what I needed.

Nothing much else to say except that I am very thankful for my friends and all the good times

we had!!!!

Christina and Heidi ready to rock and roll
Meagan and I...haha yesss road trips with no makeup on!!!

look who came! :)
p.s. got to see my good friend Alan!! :D

Heidi and I in an amazing lodge restaurant... 
ok, I don't know about you..but this is an AMAZING sledding hill!!
My beautiful friend Meagan!!!
All of us....
haha the bathroom was HUGE!

I love you Heidi!
ohh my goodness...sweetest baby boy!!!

He is kind of like Meagan's nephew and I loved being able to

get my baby fill in.
Artsy picture of Meagan on the way up to the Lloyd cabin
smiling cause we haven't got a care in the world...
silly friends...
Kind of a fun picture by the Salmon River
haha YES one of my favorite parts...

4 wheeling was SO MUCH FUN!!!

God's Grace...

The grace of the Lord has been on my mind alot as of late. It started me thinking when the students had a class on the book of Galatians. The teacher, Brian Reese, has a great testimony of the Lord working in his life and it comes through in the way he teaches. I remembered him from last year, but there is just something about actually caring (as bad as that sounds) about what the teachers are saying and applying it to your life. The second to last session that he had with the students, I sat in and oh my goodness...it was amazing!!! There is so much freedom in Christ that we, as Christians, don't take advantage of and it frustrates and saddens me. I think some of us go through life striving to be perfect and earn the right to enter into the presence of God and what we don't get is that we will NEVER BE PERFECT ENOUGH FOR HIM!!! It is by God's grace and only by His grace that we can have the assurance that we will never lose our salvation no matter how many sinful decisions we make. Granted, we will not live a life blessed by Him as much as it would be if we were to strive after Him and follow His commandments. One thing that Brian stressed was that it is because we love God that we try and follow His commandments and NOT that we obey His commandments and that in return makes us love God. I know that I flip flop that around sometimes and so it was a good reminder for me to hear. Overall, God is amazing and He astounds me each and every day with just how much He loves and forgives me for all the foolish decisions I make. What an amazing thing to know that there is NOTHING that will ever separate us from Christ's love...